I had a therapist who engaged in what’s called parks therapy.
Where he would, for lack of better words, interrogate me.
And in a weird way,
what each session would do ultimately would be to
Anthropomorphize my mental illness
Into a character I could talk to and ask questions,
through conversation, through dialogue.
Through that process I found that there are
Parts of myself that shut down when I’m anxious,
And make it really hard for me to think.
That those parts of myself,
Are ultimately not trying to hurt me
But are trying to take care of me.
That is what it boils down to,
This notion that we have these parts of ourselves
That will make our minds do certain things-
-Make our brains do certain things,
In an attempt to protect ourselves
From feeling things that are scary,
Or from going through things it doesn’t think we can go through.
It’s not sugar coating,
it’s not an attempt to mask,
So much as it is an attempt to accept.
That comes with leaving baggage behind.
Emblematic of all things therapy,
You have to choose to participate in it,
And a the same time it’s not for everybody.
So I can also imagine somebody coming into this and being,
“Hey this actually terrible,
And I hate this,
And I hate you.”
There’s a certain sense of
anonymity that comes with being online.
Even when your name is out there,
There still this detachment from your corporeality
Because it’s not necessarily your voice.
There is a very big difference between a discourse,
Whether it’s mental health or otherwise,
Happening online through textual communication
Like social media or what have you.
Versus actual in person conversation
Where body language exists,
Tone of voice exists,
And you can’t delete delete delete edit edit edit,
Before putting your words out there.
No he is, he is in the movie
But this staging and everything-
-they change a lot in the movie,
Specifically to make it that
the cats are singing about themselves.
But also it’s a complete rearrangement.
Long story short,
In the musical cats,
This section happens after their
leader cat has been kidnapped-
So they call upon the magical cat to
Bring him back via magical means.
In the musical it’s this big campy-
-because the whole thing’s big and campy!
But the movie takes it too seriously, like the entire story.
This song is rearranged completely
so that its very somber,
And it’s very-
-it’s not the same song at all.
What is love?
Um, that’s a great question… Um…
I think truly, the answer is,
I know it when I see it.
So it’s not necessarily something that’s definable,
So much that it’s something where it’s like,
“Oh, this is it.”
Yeah, I’m sticking with that answer.
I think love is something that isn’t necessarily definable
So much as it is something that you know when you feel it
Or you know when you see it.
So it’s not something you can seek out all of the time.
So much that it’s just something that happens.
But once you find it,
I think it’s something you can work at.
Once you know what that feeling is,
You know how to get that feeling,
Or you can learn how to cultivate it
Through the people you surround yourself with.
Look at the baby! The baby has a credit card!
Okay, this image, this image we are looking at,
There’s a baby that has a credit card.
So, I liken our identities to credit cards
Because credit cards are super important,
They give us access to something we really need,
And they are things we keep close to ourselves.
They are also replaceable.
We can always get a new card.
We can always lose our card
and cancel it and get a new card.
We can customize them.
We can switch banks entirely.
Our identities are similar to that,
They’re very important to us, we keep them very close to our heart,
But they’re also capable of change.
They’re capable of evolving,
Of becoming something different.
Like how, some credit cards all need a chip,
Some credit cards can work by tapping the thing
Instead of inserting and swiping.
Sometimes you need a pin.
It’s something you can always change,
It’s something you can always get a new one,
At the same time,
That goes further too,
Where it’s like,
Some people have better access.
Some people have easier access to those things
Because of their “banks” or whatever.
So the metaphor goes further than just the actual object itself.
Yeah, that’s why I like this image.
It’s very multicultural,
It’s very age friendly,
And even a baby has a credit card.
[in response to, “do you think any of them are mentally ill?”]
Almost all of them are,
statistically speaking at least.